


i don't wanna fight too hard, too long, too much anymore

by malecflowers



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M, angsty shit, book spoilers kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 11:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10876218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecflowers/pseuds/malecflowers
Summary: a day during the malec breakup from magnus's point of view





	i don't wanna fight too hard, too long, too much anymore

**You have a new voicemail, click** **here** **to listen.**

 

_ Hey Magnus… um it’s me, Alec. I know you don’t want to hear from me but… well, I don’t really know why I’m even calling. I guess I just hoped… but it’s stupid. I just wanted to hear your voice again… I miss you Magnus… I’m sorry, I won’t call again. _

 

**Press 1 to delete. Press 2 to replay. Press 3 to call back.**

 

He pressed 2.

 

_ Hey Magnus… um it’s me, Alec. I know you don’t want to hear from me but… well, I don’t really know why I’m even calling. I guess I just hoped… but it’s stupid. I just wanted to hear your voice again… I miss you Magnus… I’m sorry, I won’t call again. _

 

**Press 1 to delete. Press 2 to replay. Press 3 to call back.**

 

**Message deleted.**

  
  


It was a bit cruel, completely cutting himself off from Alec, and Magnus knew it, but he also knew there was no way he could completely move on if he didn’t.

 

However, he couldn’t help but think of Alec as he curled up in his far too empty bed at night. He thought of Alec when they first met, how he’d looked so small behind Jace and Izzy, like he was used to being overlooked in favour of his younger siblings. He thought of Alec, the poor repressed shadowhunter boy who sometimes flinched when he was touched because he’d never really known true, pure love before. He thought of Alec and how he must be dealing with everything. He hadn’t wanted to end things between them, but what Alec did couldn’t just be ignored, even if he had only considered it for a moment before changing his mind and telling Camille no. Finally, he thought of Alec’s voice in the message he had left earlier that day. He was trying to cover up the fact that he was crying, but Magnus could hear the sadness in his voice. He couldn’t stop hearing the words  _ ‘I miss you, Magnus’ _ replaying in his head, his thoughts emphasising the shakiness in Alec’s voice as he spoke.

 

Magnus was trying to push those thoughts out of his mind when he heard his phone buzzing on the nightstand. He leaned over to check the message, but when he saw that it was nearly 3 am he rolled back, telling himself that his clients could wait until a more reasonable hour. But then his phone went off several more times over the course of about ten minutes, and then twice more a few minutes later and at that point it was bothering Magnus too much not to look at them.

He rolled back over to face his nightstand, picked up his phone and read through the messages.

 

**New Message From Alexander - 2:48 AM:** _ im sorry about the awkward voicemail earlier… _

**New Message From Alexander - 2:48 AM:** _ i just missed u. im sorry _

**New Message From Alexander - 2:50 AM:** _ please talk to me _

**New Message From Alexander - 2:53 AM:** _ i wish i could fix this but i cant seem to figure out how… i dont know how to make this better _

**New Message From Alexander - 2:53 AM:** _ please Magnus… im not sure i can do this without u _

**New Message From Alexander - 2:56 AM:** _ i didnt mean that. or at least i dont think i did… i was okay - ish - before u came along, i can be okay again without u… but i didnt know it would be this hard. I didnt realise it would hurt this much _

**New Message From Alexander - 2:58 AM:** _ i wish u would just tell me ur okay _

 

**New Message From Alexander - 3:20 AM:** _ i know i can do this without u, but i dont want to magnus… before u i never really knew what it was like to be loved properly. u know im not good at words so most of this wont make sense but im gonna do my best… my parents dont care like they should, u know this. i have to be the best warrior, the best leader possible. and to them i cant do that if im like this… if im gay… and i think they realised long before i did that im this way because they started pulling away a long time ago. and jace and izzy both love me, but its not the same. theres always been this rift between us since im the oldest and im the one in charge. i know they care but i think they get put off because im not good with my emotions so they think i dont want them to show theirs, but im not good with my emotions because no one ever acted like my feelings were relevant or important… until u came along… u showed me that i was important and i wasnt a freak and u loved me more than anyone really has before and i can never thank u enough for that. im sorry i had to go and fuck it up… i hope one day u can find it in ur heart to forgive me. i love u magnus.  _

**New Message From Alexander - 3:20 AM:** _ sorry that got so long… once i started i couldnt make myself stop _

**New Message From Alexander - 3:22 AM:** _ im sorry if that sounded like im trying to make excuses for myself because im not. i know what i did was wrong and im not trying to say u were wrong to do what u did, because it was ur decision and i respect that. i just wanted to try and explain myself a little bit.  _

 

After that there were no more messages.

 

It felt like someone had punched a hole in Magnus’s chest. He was beginning to doubt his decision to break up with Alec.  _ ‘No,’  _ he thought,  _ ‘I was right. I just need more time to get over him, that’s all.’  _ He told himself that over and over again,  _ ‘I did the right thing, I did the right thing,’  _ until finally he felt like he was starting to believe it. 

He turned to set his phone back down on the bedside table when it went off again.

 

**New Message From Alexander - 3:47 AM:** _ im sorry. they’re making us go to idris tomorrow morning. i know u dont want to see me, but please at least come say goodbye? it sounds like they’re gearing up for a war and i dont want to die without seeing you one last time.  _

 

Magnus sighed and dropped his phone on the nightstand and fell back in bed. He didn’t even need to think about it to know that he was going to go to the Institute tomorrow. What Alec said in that message was true and Magnus knew it, a war was most likely coming. And he knew that Alec was over eighteen, which means he would have to fight. The thought of Alec going into battle and dying without seeing him at least once more made Magnus feel so sad and terrified that he actually started to feel a bit sick

He didn’t get much sleep that night, and when the sun rose and his alarm went off he got up and got ready to face the man that broke down the walls around his heart, the man that Magnus had fallen in love with, even when he had thought it would never happen again. Despite two broken hearts, he couldn't say no. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @alexanderglghtwood
> 
> shoutout to @softshumjr on tumblr for helping me


End file.
